“There is no such thing as time management. There is only the mindset that optimally manages the self and its actions”
– Tony Dovale
Think of all the things you would love to have in your life.
It could be anything.
Better finances. Your dream home. That promotion at work.
Do you know what would place you in the best position to get that?
The ability to exercise control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
It’s called self-management.
When we learn to take accountability for our own behaviour and well-being, we step into the driver’s seat of life, and from that position, we can go anywhere we choose.
In a previous email (How to manage yourself so others won’t: Part 1), I discussed Tip #1- Embrace challenges and obstacles and Tip #2- Disrupt yourself. Here’s what else you can do to exercise better self-management:
Fight your entitlement
If you believe that you inherently deserve something — you have a sense of entitlement.
Similarly, if you do not get what you want and blame another person for it — you have a sense of entitlement.
In life, it’s not about what you hope for and think you deserve, it’s about what you go out and get through action and contribution.
I once had a client who perceived her 19-year-old daughter to be “too independent.” She was also blaming herself for not being connected to her daughter who was of independence-seeking age.
My client’s belief that a daughter is supposed to be close to her mother was a form of entitlement.
I showed her that the opposite of entitlement is contribution and helped her shift her focus to what she could contribute toward having the mother-daughter relationship she so desired.
Knowing that her daughter loved spa treatments, my client invited her to a three-day mother and daughter spa retreat to which she immediately said “yes.”
By fighting her entitlement and contributing something of high value, my client was able to self-manage.
See failure as your motivator
A 15-year-old client came to me saying, “I’m so anxious. I feel like I’m having panic attacks.”
As we worked on unpacking the cause of her anxiety, it became clear that she was perceiving herself to be a “social failure.” She saw herself as being alienated from friends and social events.
I asked her strategic questions, and she soon realized how she had co-created her social environment and how such an environment had been serving her.
While she had “failed” in becoming a student who prioritized fitting in and being popular, she was successful in honouring what was most important to her: excelling academically.
She had been masterfully self-managing her highest value of academic excellence.
Her belief that she was “failing” had made her anxious, but when she became aware of how she had been honouring herself and her highest value, her anxiety subsided.
Remember, failure is just a perception.
But having this perception is a strategy to fuel success.
And I am certain that you can have success in every area of life by exercising effective self-management.
Drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or send me a WhatsApp if you would love to learn how to implement effective self-management in your life.
I will connect with you on an obligation-free discovery call, and we can strategize on the best way forward.
From my heart to yours,