I want to let you in on a little secret: I love LOVE stories; tales about people who discover that “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return”.
This magical line is from a song written by Eden Ahbez, an American poet, musician, and songwriter. It was featured in one of my all-time favourite romantic movies Moulin Rouge, with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. (By the way, not only is the cinematography in this film enchanting, the colours delectable and the music riveting, but the story is heartbreakingly beautiful. If you haven’t seen the film yet and want to, I won’t tell you how it ends…)
I wholeheartedly believe that LOVE and loving relationships are life’s greatest gifts.
But to love and be loved in return is not always easy, and relationships require work and dedication from all involved. Whether these relationships are with your spouse or partner, siblings, child, parents, or a friend or work colleagues.
There’s only one way to have the relationship you wish for…
But before I reveal the answer, let’s explore the following:
Did you know that we can either be CAREFUL, CARELESS or CARING in a relationship and that it all depends on your INTENT?
A CAREFUL person in a relationship is someone who wants to please the other person or people, and usually walks on eggshells to keep the peace.
When you are CAREFUL, you put yourself down and you look up to the others with whom you have a relationship. You believe you have to please people to earn love and respect.
But a love like this is not authentic, and it would not be possible to sustain a good, healthy relationship.
The second one is the CARELESS person. This person says “I care less about you and more about me and therefore I will elevate myself and look down at you. I care less about my behaviour towards you”.
This person does things to please themselves without acknowledging that in relationships we are to please one another as well.
The third one is the CARING person. This person says, “I care as much about myself as I care about you. I see us as equals”.
In this relationship, nobody is up on a pedestal and nobody is down in the pit.
How to be a CARING person in your relationships
If you want to understand how to be caring towards another human being, ask yourself:
What is important to my life partner, my spouse, my child, this person to whom I want to relate?
The art of the relationship is to know what the other person’s values are; the things that are of high importance to them. When you help a person feel supported in what is important to them, they feel cared for and THAT’s how you have the relationship you wish for. Simply because you get back what you give out.
Assess your relationship from time to time
I believe that it is important to assess your relationships from time to time, and to learn how you can become a more CARING person.
To help you take stock of your relationships, I created a Marriage Assessment Questionnaire for all types of relationships.
Reply YES to this mail, and I will forward it to you.
I would also like to invite you to watch an interview Celia Waterhouse from On Point Mentors had with me:
I share many tips in this interview!
You can also watch the below video on Youtube for tips on how to have the relationship you desire.